Grace for Mom Guilt

I’m sorry for the delay in today’s post.  I gave into laziness yesterday afternoon and evening, and it was wonderful.  But now I’ll see how I pay for it all day.  I hope you had a blessed weekend.

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For us moms, we all carry around “mommy guilt” in one form or another.  This is my story of mom guilt.  This is one aspect of my mom guilt as it relates to my son’s food allergies.  I have mom guilt for my daughters, too.

I read the article, Child, Heal Thy Mother, by a doctor/mom about the guilt that surrounds allergy-moms.  As she described the various thought processes that go through our heads as we try to understand this disease (rather, attempt to control it), I sort of laughed at it, but also sighed of its truth.  Thoughts like “I introduced solids too early,” “I didn’t introduce solids early enough,” “I ate too much peanut butter when I was pregnant,” and so on.  In our attempt to control everything that occurs around us, we turn to the blame game.  Who better to blame than ourselves when our little ones suffer.

My blame game:

  • I introduced dairy too early.
  • I gave my son cow’s milk when I was in auto-pilot mode.
  • I shouldn’t have just assumed the restaurant food was okay even though I took the same precautions as always.
  • I should have known our friend brought the exact same sippy cup for their son with milk in it as our son’s sippy cup.
  • I shouldn’t have waited until his lips were blue from his first asthma attack before taking him to the doctor (and ultimately an overnight stay at the hospital).

That’s just a sprinkling of my allergy-mom guilt….

If I succumb to that guilt, or any mom guilt, I can dig myself into a very deep hole. What have I to do with the “what ifs” or “if I only had dones?”  Nothing.  I can’t.go.down.that.road! ….but for grace.  Recall part of our definition of grace from weeks ago: “an act of clemency.”  Another word for clemency is forgiveness.    How do I forgive myself from things that I want to control, but have not? I don’t know that I can, not fully, at least.  I have to get hold of this thing called forgiveness and grace everyday, and ultimately, be grateful for my lot and my portion in life.

Instead of going all psychological on this whole thing of mom guilt, I decided to post the lyrics of a song that say it quite well.  Grace Upon Grace is a song by Sandra McCracken, an artist who I have come to love.  Every word in the songs on this album, The Builder and the Architect, as well as her follow-up album In Feast or Fallow, is rich and full.  I’m not your K-Love kind of Christian music listener.  I listen to Sandra McCracken and Indelible Grace over and over again, with a few others sprinkled in.   They nourish me.

Anyway, as you read these lyrics, think on how mom guilt affects you? How do you deal with it?  I’d love for you to share with me in the comments.

1. In every station new trials and troubles

call for more grace than I can afford

where can I go, but to my dear Savior

for mercy that pours from boundless stores.

Chorus: Grace upon grace every sin repaired

every void restored, you will find him there

in every turning he will prepare you

with grace upon grace.

2. He made a way for the fallen to rise

perfect in glory and sacrifice

in sweet communion, my need he supplies

He saves, keeps and guards my life.

Chorus

3. To thee I run now with great expectation,

to honor you with trust like a child

My hopes and desires seek a new destination

and all that you ask, your grace will provide.

Chorus

words by SANDRA MCCRACKEN. © 2005 SAME OLD DRESS MUSIC (ASCAP), admin. by SIMPLEVILLE MUSIC, inc. Used by permission.  All rights reserved.

Grace Laced Mondays

As always, I’m linking up today with Ruth for grace laced mondays.  I encourage you to visit all the linked up stories of grace in the everyday.  They are so encouraging.

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10 Responses to Grace for Mom Guilt

  1. Great post! It is hard to accept there are some things you can’t change, and “what ifs” are certainly in that cateogry!

  2. ginanorma says:

    Oh I love Sandra McCraken so so much too!
    Your post was so honest and authentic, I really enjoyed it, I know if we put ourselves under a microscope we would see ALL and every little fault but gosh goodness for GRACE and knowing that realizing we are in a fallen world, which means FALLEN SELF! Thank you God for your uncomparable grace…

    • Cook says:

      Yay! I’m so glad to find fellow SM fans. Thank you for your encouraging words today. Gracelaced Mondays has become such great medicine to me. Now, I just need to put it into action more.

  3. I absolutely love that song! “Grace upon grace every sin repaired…” Praise the Lord.

  4. Seda says:

    I remember that first year being a young mom. SO. GUILTY. I used to cry and ask my husband whether I’ve broken my child. He often reminded me: He is already broken. There is only ONE who can heal him. And that One is not me. I’m just a gardener, but God makes the garden grow.
    Thank you for sharing! =)

    • Cook says:

      I love your husband’s response. We are so trained to believe that our little ones are so innocent and sweet little angels. If they were, we wouldn’t need a Savior so sweet, so enduring, so lovely. Thank you for your kind words today.

  5. Kristen says:

    I think we all get a case of Mom Guilt every now and again. I’ve had it big time lately over something I’ll share with you in person, and I continue to pray about it. You do such a great job with your son from my perspective. That is a beautiful picture of the kids, by the way!

    • Cook says:

      I’d love to sit and talk for a bit. We should plan a coffee soon. I know my little girl would love to play with your little boy. And then I can hold the baby 🙂

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